You're a woman, for god's sake. Be a man!
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
It shouldn't be this hard. I dont want it like this.
But the worst part? I dont know who I'm doing it for.
It shouldn't be this hard. I dont want it like this.
But the worst part? I dont know who I'm doing it for.
What makes my problems so much bigger than everybody else's? They're mine.
I have got to stop watching Ally McBeal, that woman is not good for me.
At the end of the day, life is just this big wall of reality that we all crash into.
I have got to stop watching Ally McBeal, that woman is not good for me.
At the end of the day, life is just this big wall of reality that we all crash into.
Mänsklig maskin
Passionerat men okontrollerat,
det kommer funka, måste funka,
nånstans där finns vår plats,
Den enda personen som tagit upp min tankekraft
Fan vad drama bara uppstår av sig själv ibland, jag orkar inte.
Done with exams, one week of freedom and endless time for thoughts.
Gonna try my best to keep going on my book since I clearly dont have anything else to do.
There are plenty of plans in my little head, but knowing myself and how much I hope and expect things that never happen..I'm gonna try to chill a bit. Better that way.
Would be amazing if one of the things would come true though.. haha. Hope is the last thing to leave a person!
det kommer funka, måste funka,
nånstans där finns vår plats,
Den enda personen som tagit upp min tankekraft
Fan vad drama bara uppstår av sig själv ibland, jag orkar inte.
Done with exams, one week of freedom and endless time for thoughts.
Gonna try my best to keep going on my book since I clearly dont have anything else to do.
There are plenty of plans in my little head, but knowing myself and how much I hope and expect things that never happen..I'm gonna try to chill a bit. Better that way.
Would be amazing if one of the things would come true though.. haha. Hope is the last thing to leave a person!
changes?
You know what it's like when you've kinda combined someone with a certain song or even an entire band?
When you can't listen to a song without thinking about him/her?
Knowing that it's actually the same for him/her?
Is it destiny when you finally see that person who made it difficult to listen to these songs, you hang out like before and then suddenly that band comes on the radio, which never happens, only for you to realise it's a new edition of the song.
Like the fecking radio tried telling you that things change whether you like it not.
Stupid radio.
And now I'm listening through the albums, hoping and wishing there's something called us here.
I'm taking a frickin wild card, but at least it makes me feel alive. And there's no better feeling than when you look into my eyes and smile. (maybe when you look at me in the dark and your eyes says everything I wanna hear)
(I know it's corny, but it's true)
Där ser du själv hur högt du når
Jag ska lyfta hennes fötter
Dom ska flyttas tills hon går
Den ena efter den andra
tills hon trampat upp ett spår
jag ska gå i hennes skugga
Om hon faller finns jag där
Sen ska jag lyfta hennes händer och säga
där ser du själv hur stark du är
Jag ska köpa henne pärlor
det finns pärlor utav glas
Det är sånna jag vill skaffa
Sånna som kan gå i kras
Jag ska säga att det vackra
är så skört, så skört som du
sen ska jag lyfta hennes händer och säga
du ska va rädd om dig själv nu
Jag ska torka hennes tårar
Jag ska kamma hennes hår
Reda ut alla härvor
Försiktigt och så gott det går
Jag ska bada hennes fötter
Jag ska tvätta hennes sår
Sen ska jag lyfta hennes händer och säga
där ser du själv hur högt du når
Dom ska flyttas tills hon går
Den ena efter den andra
tills hon trampat upp ett spår
jag ska gå i hennes skugga
Om hon faller finns jag där
Sen ska jag lyfta hennes händer och säga
där ser du själv hur stark du är
Jag ska köpa henne pärlor
det finns pärlor utav glas
Det är sånna jag vill skaffa
Sånna som kan gå i kras
Jag ska säga att det vackra
är så skört, så skört som du
sen ska jag lyfta hennes händer och säga
du ska va rädd om dig själv nu
Jag ska torka hennes tårar
Jag ska kamma hennes hår
Reda ut alla härvor
Försiktigt och så gott det går
Jag ska bada hennes fötter
Jag ska tvätta hennes sår
Sen ska jag lyfta hennes händer och säga
där ser du själv hur högt du når
Gör om, gör rätt
Right. Sorry. Very depressing post, I know. I'm very well aware of the situation but I need somewhere to write all of these things and for some reason my proper, real diary isn't doing the trick anymore. Think it's too small, I like writing on big papers, bigger the better. (look at that, size matters)
Been thinking about just putting up a huge piece of paper on one of my walls and have visitors write or draw whetever they want on it, almost like a guestbook but more.. visitors designing my wall.
Would've done it here but I barely ever have visitors and my walls are pretty much already full of photos, magazine cut-outs and images.. Haha, I think I need more walls, four just isn't enough.
My reason to boredom and 'opportunities' to think and not go to bed before 2 a.m is exams.
I've two left and oh my god they are so boring. All I feel like doing is listen to Lisa Ekdahl, get more models for photography ideas & projects and edit them.
Can't wait for college to start again so I can start Commercial Photography and Video Production. Gonna be a busy semester but hotdamn! so much fun!
I really, really feel like getting drunk soon.
Awh well. Back to studies.
Been thinking about just putting up a huge piece of paper on one of my walls and have visitors write or draw whetever they want on it, almost like a guestbook but more.. visitors designing my wall.
Would've done it here but I barely ever have visitors and my walls are pretty much already full of photos, magazine cut-outs and images.. Haha, I think I need more walls, four just isn't enough.
My reason to boredom and 'opportunities' to think and not go to bed before 2 a.m is exams.
I've two left and oh my god they are so boring. All I feel like doing is listen to Lisa Ekdahl, get more models for photography ideas & projects and edit them.
Can't wait for college to start again so I can start Commercial Photography and Video Production. Gonna be a busy semester but hotdamn! so much fun!
I really, really feel like getting drunk soon.
Awh well. Back to studies.
2010 and all that went with it
The mandatory list of the shittiest and most emotional year of my life so far.
- breakup
- dog in heaven
- personal breakup with myself
- confusion on a level i never thought possible
- loneliness reaching its peak
- got used to crying until i either couldn't breathe, or feel my hands
- depression?
On the plus side?
- i know what i wanna work with
I've lost so many things that meant the world to me.
The excruciating feeling of loneliness, being left out and misunderstood started early this summer and is still going on. Trying to handle it combined with knowing that some people have never really been my friends has been such an overwhelming experience.
I feel like I've lost all my vocabulary and all that's left are tears. Sometimes I dont even know why I'm crying, it can be lyrics going straight into my heart feeling like it'll cut it in half, it can be memories that I used to appreciate that now only cause me pain or just wondering why the hell all of this is happening to me.
All I need is strength. From myself or someone else. Someone to believe in me. Someone to tell me that my life doesnt suck, that I do mean something to someone. This can't all be bad karma. I know I'm no angel but I've never intentionally meant to hurt anyone. My real friends tell me 'after rain comes sunshine' but these clouds wont separate even for a hint of sunbeams. And I need them. I really do.
I dont know what to do. I dont know what to say. I just wanna skip ahead a few years to see if it'll be alright later.
Tveksamhetens tid. Ingenting är som jag tror, ingenting är som det ser ut. Jag ber dig komma hit, får jag hålla din hand? Vågar jag be dig att stanna, får jag höra din röst?
- breakup
- dog in heaven
- personal breakup with myself
- confusion on a level i never thought possible
- loneliness reaching its peak
- got used to crying until i either couldn't breathe, or feel my hands
- depression?
On the plus side?
- i know what i wanna work with
I've lost so many things that meant the world to me.
The excruciating feeling of loneliness, being left out and misunderstood started early this summer and is still going on. Trying to handle it combined with knowing that some people have never really been my friends has been such an overwhelming experience.
I feel like I've lost all my vocabulary and all that's left are tears. Sometimes I dont even know why I'm crying, it can be lyrics going straight into my heart feeling like it'll cut it in half, it can be memories that I used to appreciate that now only cause me pain or just wondering why the hell all of this is happening to me.
All I need is strength. From myself or someone else. Someone to believe in me. Someone to tell me that my life doesnt suck, that I do mean something to someone. This can't all be bad karma. I know I'm no angel but I've never intentionally meant to hurt anyone. My real friends tell me 'after rain comes sunshine' but these clouds wont separate even for a hint of sunbeams. And I need them. I really do.
I dont know what to do. I dont know what to say. I just wanna skip ahead a few years to see if it'll be alright later.
Tveksamhetens tid. Ingenting är som jag tror, ingenting är som det ser ut. Jag ber dig komma hit, får jag hålla din hand? Vågar jag be dig att stanna, får jag höra din röst?